...honestly, God?

...ive been praying. ive been trying so fucking hard. what more can i fucking do?

...i cant even put into words how useless I fucking feel right now. i feel like a piece of shit on the bottom of someones shoe....being stepped on and walked all over. over. and over. i feel like fucking dying.

i cant take this anymore. im sick of this. what the fuck is wrong with me? i dont get it. i dont understand. what the fuck have i done to deserve this shit? i may be an asshole to people, i may be a racist every now and then, i may lie, i may cheat, ive stolen. but fuck.

honestly.

just fuck it.

I. WANT. TO DIE.

there really doesnt seem to be a reason as to why i should be here right now...if it wasnt for my fucking mother, grandmother and boyfriend I think i would have just killed myself a long time ago....spared everyone the fucking trouble of walking all over me and using me and throwing me away like a fucking used tampon.

WELL IM NOT A FUCKING USED TAMPON YOU FUCKING CUNTS. IM A FUCKING HUMAN, i have needs. I have feelings. I have shit I need to take care of..........do you not understand?!

i really dont even know what to do with myself anymore.

i really wish i was fucking rich so i wouldnt have all these things pilling on top of my fucking back. i can only sell so much...i can only sell myself for so long. i dont want to do porn...but as of right now its looking like the only option for fast cash.....considering I sure as hell am not going to fuck some perv for $200. or sell drugs.

i just want to cuddle with petey...so bad. i like when we cuddle. and when we fall asleep together.

i want to marry him.

i really wish someone could just tell me what was wrong with me.

the song Goodnight, Travel Well by the Killers is what im currently listening to...on repeat. its a depressing song. atleast the music is sad. not the lyrics? it might have brought on this blog....or maybe im just a fucked up person.....who cares anyways.